The Road Less Travelled...it did NOT make the difference

There are a few observations we have throughout our 18 (yes only 18) days here in India. First has to do with the men/boys. It would appear that according to Erickson’s life stages, they never quite develop past the adolescence stage where the conflict is identity versus role confusion in which you are not a child, yet not an adult. I think Brittany Spears said it best in her song…I’m not a girl, not yet a woman. Let us give you some examples…grown men hang out all day long on street corners ogling women constantly and making comments in Hindi and then laughing hysterically. When you just want a peaceful walk in the Mumbai zoo (we will discuss the zoo in a moment, as it warrants great discussion), they get their friends to come up and tell you that he wants to talk to you or they just result to the old middle school/secondary school technique of following you around the mall! There is the added technique due to the development of technology in which they pretend to take photos of the grass or sky, but really are snapping photos of us. As we were both born prior to the mobile phone era, we were not aware of this technique, but we know it all too well now.
The second observation that we have made has to do with the clothing style and fashion sense of the local bearing in mind that 55% of all people in just Mumbai live below the poverty line in squalor. It would appear that all of the costumes used in That 70s Show have been sent to India after the show was cancelled and all the young Indian boys/men wear them and strut their stuff while holding hands and skipping down the street…but do not fear, the whole of India are not gay…they are merely best friends. Sometimes you will see the tri-fecta of love, as we call it so all male best friends who may feel the urge to hold pinky fingers or give a cuddle or even lay on top of each other without being marked as “gay” can come to India and enjoy this freedom!
The third observation we have made has to do with all the streets, alley ways, roads, side streets, highways in the whole of India…well at least the 6 places we have visited…it is like walking in a constant obstacle course of animals, their feces, men/women/children napping on random bits of the street or sidewalk, animals napping on bits of the street or sidewalk, people running up to sell you things or grab your privates (you never know which one), dust storms, random holes with unidentifiable liquid and debris in them, cars/bikes/motorcycles/scooters/rickshaws/animals pulling random carts or humans pulling random carts, sticks, stones, branches, the list is truly endless. You must navigate all of this as well as protect yourself from the sun, stay hydrated, block out the endless sound of horns beeping, hollering man boys, whistles, screaming babies and so much more. There is almost too much stimulation and we love a bit of stimulation!
The fourth and final observation for today has to do with ones excretory system. It amazes us both how long we can hold in our urine, as we are constantly drinking water in this hot oppressive weather. WE have discussed and we think it is mind control, as the toilets here are…well…I don’t think there is an adjective to describe them. Let me just say that we would both rather urinate and defecate outdoors behind a random temple in the bushes with NO toilet paper then use the toilets here…hence the mind control over the bladder. We are like camels with our urine and can actually control it for hours on end.
Now, let’s talk about today. We woke up on our last day here all excited about a boat ride to the illusive Elephanta Island, as it has been closed for the past 3 days, but we were promised it would be open today. Despite the fact that this island, yes, has a number of temples, these temples are carved into caves and sounds like a fascinating place to explore. Of course, the tide is high and therefore no Elephanta Island for us. So, it was back up plan time and this consisted of the longest most horrific walk down what looked like an easy road to navigate (please refer to observation number 3) called P D’Mello Road…I mean it is called mellow road for crying out loud. Well, nothing could be further from mellow. It took us 2 ½ hours of pain and suffering to make it to the Mumbai Zoo…taking a pit stop at the Monetary Museum, which is described as an engrossing historical tour of India through coinage. Something tells us that they do not get a lot of tourists, as they changed the entry fee from 10 rupees to free, to allure people to visit. Now, my father would have loved this museum, as he is an avid collector of coins, but it was a tiny bit dull. We forced each other to discuss some topics about money and bartering and chose which was our favourite coin, but it was dull as dull can be…the air conditioning was nice. Then, we continued down the worst road in the history of India until we made it to the “zoo.” Some tips from Al and Mel…do not bring your camera to the zoo, as you have to pay a 30 rupee camera fee and there is NOTHING to take a picture of. What you do want to document through photography are the slums that border 3 sides of the circumference of the zoo, while the 4th side is littered with corn removal men…yes, we are not lying. You actually get your feet out and these men burn off your corns with various chemicals from little glass jars…next to them are some sort of ear cleaners who use tweezers and q-tip type implements to clean out ones ears. Alex wanted the full spa treatment, but I would NOT allow it! We need to save our money after all! Once inside the zoo, we walked around from horrifically small cage to horrifically small cage looking at a smathering of animals that actually had frowny faces on...one could actually feel their depression. Soon enough, word got out that there were two white people in the zoo…one with tattoos…and we quickly became the animals in those cages being stared at, so that was our cue to leave. So, here we are now in this internet café, which was a huge mistake to stop so far from the hotel, as the monsoon has just opened the skies above and it is pouring with rain. We have a nice long, lovely and relaxing walk back to the hotel to get our huge backpacks and get on a soothing overnight train to Goa…oh the joys and pleasures that await us.