A Jew Sandwich with a Side of Skydive

There are few questions in this world that I can ponder over and over again and know that I will never get the answer until that day at the pearly gates of heaven...things like did OJ do it, which did come first...chicken or egg and now I will add why the hell do people skydive? I can actually ask this and ponder this, as I am part of this club or should I say cult of people who have jumped out of an airplane...and yes it does make me feel quite cool; although Alex does not agree with me that I am now cool...even though we have watched my skydive DVD like 30 times in the past 2 days...hmmm or maybe because we watched my skydive video like 30 times in the past 2 days. There are just NO words to describe a skydive...what it feels like inside...no it is not a spiritual moment like these 2 strange Americans were talking about after we did it...there is really nothing I can think of to equivocate to the way your stomach feels and what you go through internally during a 5 minute skydive. Let me paint a picture...and then you can all go to the photo gallery and watch the video when I can upload it to see exactly what I mean.
The week started out really good...we spent a lovely day in Canberra earlier that week visiting art museums and just enjoying the extremely organized structure of the city and some lovely sculptures scattered all around...we did pass a skydiving place on our way to Sydney and that is when I first noticed these tiny miniature baby planes and thought how cute they were...until Al told me that these were the actual planes we go up in for our skydive. That is the moment everything changed...enter panic. We continued making our way to Sydney stopping at all of the cute, quaint bonnie little towns as described in earlier blogs and of course ran the 11km Resolution Run around Olympic Park in Sydney, and despite all of these wonderful activities, the skydive and that baby plane were never far from my thoughts...or should I say my nightmares. The day before the skydive we had what I like to call the Jew day...and what a great day it was. We started out visiting the Sydney Jewish Museum and it is such a well organized museum...starting in the basement, you watch a movie describing the museum and what you will see on each level. the first level describes the Jewish religion including the holidays, foods and overall culture. The second level introduces Hitler and the Holocaust and the 3rd and 4th level detail the Holocaust with actual stories and an entire exhibit dedicated to the children of the Holocaust, as well as post World War II. There was also a wonderful and informative exhibit about Australian Jews and how they came to be in Australia...very interesting and moving story in and of itself. So this was the first piece of bread in our Jew sandwich and the slab of kosher beef in the middle was our visit to the Great Synagogue...established in 1828. Lovely old building tucked neatly between two giant modern buildings, though it looks quite cozy behind the large tree across from Hyde Park. it was a spectacular synagogue and I can only imagine all those poor 13 year olds doing their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs in front of the congregation in this grand temple. To finish off our delicious Jew sandwich, we went to see Sarah's Key in a delightful cinema where you can purchase wine with your popcorn...a very mature crowd attends this cinema so we felt very demure. The movie was amazing and sad and timed perfectly with our Jew day, as we had just refreshed and updated our historical knowledge of World War II and the Holocaust...I cried. Little did I realize that this was foreshadowing events to come.
Then, back to the van for a night of total insomnia, as the skydive was fast approaching. I made Alex explain the entire skydive process again and again, as she had done one years ago in Perth over the ocean. Despite all of this reviewing, I could not sleep and when I finally dozed off for a few hours, I had a nightmare about my dead dog Lucy...it was not pleasant. Then the sun rose.
So, Alex and I agreed that we would go and talk to them and see what our skydive would be about and then I could make my final decision as to whether or not I would do it. Honestly, I thought it would be cancelled due to the overcast weather...I was wrong. So, Al ate breakfast (I did not) and I don't think she slammed the back door hard enough so as we were driving down the highway towards the skydive, the back door flew up and items started flying out of the back...Alex pulled over and I then had to run out of the car down the motorway in my pajamas that consisted of a pair of ill fitting daisy duke shorts and a see through thin tank top that was also ill fitting to pick up all of our bits...yes it was humiliating and stressful, yes people were honking and laughing, yes this is NOT how I wanted to spend my skydive morning. Back on the road, to Picton, to see about the skydive. It took a bit longer than we thought to get there and it did not help that we drove past the sign to the dive point about 4 times (which made me so happy, as I thought we might be late and miss our plane and therefore our skydive), but alas we found it and drove up to the dive. We ran in and it took no more that 10 minutes to fill our the "if you get injured, lose a limb or die, it is not our fault" paperwork, get into our jump suits and harnesses, discuss the 4 how to skydive instructions and walk to the plane.

Four Skydive Instructions include:
1) Do not touch the instructors arms when he opens the parachute
2) Cross your arms over your chest when initially jumping from the plane
3) The instructor will tap your arm 3 times when you release your arms and fly like bird (or he will just rip your arms apart to fly like a bird in my case)
4) When landing, be sure to lift your legs up to land on your butt

I was unable to complete full sentences and stop a manic flow of giddy laughter throughout the walk to the plane and plane ride. There were three things I was able to say during the plane ride up to 14,000ft: 1) F*&!, 2) I am freaking out and 3) I am scared. The ride in the plane was very short. You are packed into a plane, straddling a bench-like seat sitting very close to your instructor, as he/she is attached you your back via a harness. Yes, I did check the harness about 1000 times and tried to breathe and focus on the positives, which I decided included: 1) I never have to do it again once I finish this one, 2) it is pretty cool to do a skydive and I will have a video to mark this moment (though at the time I did not realize how indescribably beast like I would look in said video and that was about it for positives. Then, it was time...they pushed the slatted door up and open and the sound of the wind was so loud and crackle crunchy that you could not hear a thing, other than the sound of your own fear and horror at what was about to come. First, the "fun divers" jumped...yes, people do this activity for fun. I think what finally pushed me over the edge into the complete blubbering breakdown that occurred was when I watched them get sucked out of the plane and disappear into the white clouds below. Where did they go?!? Then, before I could even blink an eye, my instructor pushed us to the edge and my feet were dangling out of a plane 14,000ft from the ground...commence tears. I could not stop crying, but it was too late and there was no getting out of it. Then we fell...FFFFFFFFFFF***************$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...I screamed for the entire 30 second free fall and I tasted clouds...the tasted them, smelled them, felt them on my hands...they tasted like fluffy condensation, smelled like a crisp cold rainy day and felt like smooth cold moisture. When one falls through the air at 200mph, ones face looks like a blow fish...a very ugly blow fish...and I was not exempt from this. My goggles filled with tears and my stomach entered my throat and there is seriously nothing I can think of to match this sensation. No, i did not have a spiritual moment, no I did not re-evaluate my life...I just prayed for it to be over as quickly as possible and when he pulled the parachute out and we were jerked back up into the sky and I peed my pants, I was really praying for the end. Yes, I did cry and yes I did wee myself...I am OK with it, but at the time, I was embarrassed. When I could hear again (yes, I went deaf during the first 30 seconds) and I could just sit and look around a the world beneath my feet, it was pretty spectacular to see the world as the birds do, but getting closer and closer to the ground made me feel exhilarated. Eventually, it was time to lift my legs and I knew my dive was coming to an end...I thought we would crash to the ground, but we actually landed quite smoothly and the moment we plopped on the grass, I just laid back on my instructor, using his crotch as a pillow for about 20 minutes...I could not move. Al came bounding over towards me yelling at how great it was and amazing and thrilling and blah blah blah, and then she uttered the most horrific words I think I could have heard at that moment. She said, "Mel, if we go again today, it only costs $150, isn't that a great deal?!?" Needless to say, another jump did NOT happen. Eventually Al and Dave (my instructor) coaxed me to my feet and we made our way to the main reception to get our certificates and stickers and DVD of my dive...now I can relive the ugly horror of the skydive. I rapidly tore off my pee pee jumpsuit and just hung it right back up with all the others so no one would know that I wet myself. Then there was the adrenaline dump, which left me feeling quite manic and a bit high. What I didn't realize is that this would leave exhausted by about 3pm that afternoon rendering me totally useless and needing a nap. I am so glad that I actually did the skydive and I am so glad that I am a part of a small group of people that actually do them, but it was a horrible terrible disgusting experience that I will NEVER EVER do it again...but, I do want to watch everyone's skydive video as a sort of research project to see if any can match the ugliness and horror that is my skydiving video.