Rock 'n' Ropes

As I sit to write this blog, 1 hour after completing the ropes course, I am overcome with a feeling of relief that I am sitting here now writing this blog having already completed this horrific course...a course described as a "vertiginous and challenging high-ropes course that includes balancing on teetering 'tree-tops,' negotiating a tricky two-wire bridge and scaling ropes." I think that is a good way of describing the actual course, but it does a shit job of describing what goes on inside of yourself when doing the course.
Alex and I decided to race up to the Rock 'n' Ropes location yesterday to meet with Glenn, the gruff owner with a raspy army voice and demeanour to match, though he has soft eyes and gave me a cuddle at one point. He introduced us to the course and gave a breakdown us a very interesting breakdown of statistics of various participants of this course such as:
The oldest woman to do the course was 76.
The oldest man to do the course was 81.
The youngest person to ever do the course was 4.
8 people have shat themselves and admitted it.
Many more have actually pooped themselves, but have not admitted it...though Glenn has found soiled underwear in the toilets on numerous occasions.
Dozens of people have peed themselves and Glenn does like to call them out when this happens by announcing, "I can see your wet patch!"
Everyday someone cries.
We left the course after an interesting orientation and after deciding to do the half day challenge which is basically walking across 3 different bridge-like apparati that are all above 13m high with only a harness to support you, climbing up a 13m pole and standing on top of it to then jump out 1 1/2m to grab a trapeze and you end the day with a ride on the giant swing which is a harness strapped around your waist and body about 30m above the ground to which you jump off of and swing back and forth for a bit. Alex was exhilarated by this and I was less than thrilled and had a long night of insomnia to follow.
I guess the fact that we went straight to the bungy swing after that and subsequently partook in the bungy swing was actually a sort of training session to prepare us...well me...for what was in store for the ropes course. The bungy swing was death, as described in a previous blog, but after that we went for a nice run to build my endurance that was actually needed to get through this course. Al made me do some fartlecking, which is when you all out sprint for a particular distance and then baby jog for a bit to recover and then repeat for about 30 minutes...it was rough, but I needed to be prepared.
When we arrived at the ropes course this morning, I told Glenn about our preparations and although he did not say much, but I know underneath that gruff exterior he was well impressed with us. We began with a brief introduction about belaying, which is when you manage the ropes while on the ground for the person on the ropes...yes folks that is correct, I was actually managing Alex's life in my tiny baby hands (luckily I do have man hands that are strong and large so she was pretty safe, but can you imagine it!). Alex then belaid for me and a third guy named Sam Alexander, a lovely intelligent soft spoken guy from Devon also took turns at the belaying, as we all had our attempts at the course.
We started with a series of bridges and when I say bridges I mean a log, a wire and a rickety wooden bridge held together by a chain and all of these are suspended in mid-air about 15m above the ground that is NOT covered in mattresses or cotton wool, but merely a thin layer of tan bark covering concrete. You have to climb up stripped tree logs that have had their plumage and branches removed and replaced with metal hooks that you use to hoist yourself up said tree trunk to bridges begin. Climbing up to the bridges is just as scary, as the wind likes to rock them from side to side and when you reach to top you have remember to yell down, "lock off" to your belayer so they can lock the rope in case you fall all the while you are maneuvering yourself to the start. Then, you have to gain your balance, as only 1 of these bridges has hand wires to help balance and guide you, the log and wooden swing bridge have no such handles.
So, there I am at the top of the first wire bridge trying to not cry, as Alex had already successfully done it without a mere peep and Sam was to do it next with not a whimper, but alas I was not so lucky and the tears came a floodin'. One baby step at a time, wires wobbling the whole way to the end, where you have to touch the opposite tree log post...with you hand...only to then walk backwards on the wire to the centre where you then push the hand wire away form your body and sit back into your harness with legs spread and bum out. I am quite flexible so I literally did the splits, as I did not want to do it wrong and fall to my bloody demise, but Jess, Glenn's assistant told me that no one in the history of the course had ever spread their legs that far apart...not sure if that was a compliment, but I took it as one. Then, you just float down...sometimes faster than others due to how quickly your belayer releases the rope.
I composed myself and belaid for Sam next...and he was brilliant...took numerous pictures with no hands...not me though, as I like my hands firmly planted on the handle wire. But alas, there was to be no more hand wire or railing of any sort and off we went to the wobbly, rickety wooden swing bridge. Why did I agree to this...how did I get myself into this? Alex went first and blew through it. She was worried, as she has some balance issues (finally an issue that Alex suffers from) and honestly, I thought this might be my chance to really shine, but I was not to shine. She flew over the bridge, arms outstretched like some freakish circus person...next my turn and to just save you from the suspense...yes I did cry, yes I did moan, yes I did whinge...blah blah blah...and again to save you the suspense...no Sam didn't cry, no Sam didn't fall and he too did it brilliantly. It must be said that this bridge swung from side to side and they do not allow you to crawl over it...you have to stand upright and walk one foot in front of the other until the end...then walk backwards to the middle again and float down...this one was not so graceful for me and I ended up on my bum in the bark. Look, worse things have happened and I did not wet myself or shit myself so I consider this a success.
The third bridge was the easiest for me and there were actually no tears, though I did get a bit snippy when they were trying to peer pressure me into taking some picture while waving my hands around...NO! Not waving my hands around when balancing on a log 15m in the air with nothing but a super tight harness squeezing my vagina into a very unattractive shape protecting me from utter death. Yes, again, Alex and Sam were the true stars with no tears and many photo opportunities.
The final two 'activities,' if you can call them activities...though I refer to them as torturous psychological mind f*&%s involved 1) climbing up a 15m tree pole that blew mercilessly back and forth in the wind, standing on top of this pole totally upright and jumping 1 1/2m in front of you to grab a trapeze...yes this is not a joke and 2) climbing up another metal apparatus that bounced and swung from side to side only this one was about 30m above the ground where you then are harness and strapped into what they call a 'giant swing,' but what I would probably call 'the swing of doom' at which time you eek to the edge...and I am talking the edge and do a baby jump to the right where you plummet down and then swing up and then back and forth until you are just over it but have to wait until they roll you over a ladder to climb down.
I had to do the trapeze first, as I was the 'difficult' one and that was probably wise, as the hysterics only took about 5 minutes to begin...I made it up the pole, barely, but then trying to get myself from the grips around the pole to standing atop the damn thing was quite another. I know she was giving me directions, but all I could hear was my heartbeat and my hyperventilation. I don't even know how I managed to get myself on top of the pole, but I did...must have been all the screaming at me and peer pressure that done it, but I was standingish in a very hunched and precarious position. I was crying hysterically at this point...it wasn't pretty...there was snot, there was spit. I swear there were about 10 countdowns of 1...2...3, at which point I was supposed to jump for the trapeze, but they just went in one ear and right out the other...no mam! Not jumping to a trapeze suspended 16m in the air...but then how was I gonna get down. At that moment, I could see Glenn coming out of his office and I certainly did not want him coming over to yell at me so I just baby jumped like a big old puss bag and then dangled there all the way to the ground...sadly, I did not catch the trapeze. Alex and Sam did it in a mere 3 minutes and 46 seconds respectively and both made no peeps and caught the trapeze, but whatever! As Alex said, it is about the try of the jump and not the catch of the trapeze.
As you have probably gathered by my horrifying portrayal of the ropes course, each challenge gets progressively more difficult so the giant swing was the 'piece de resistance' and boy did that one smack me in the face and call me Susan! See, Glenn leads on this one, as you have to be extremely strong to hold the 3 wire cables that make the swing go back and forth at the same time as managing your jumper through the jump. I was able to stay on the ground, as Alex and Sam got their go at the monster. Now, I know I have already done the bungy swing at this point, but again I must reiterate that I was hooked in next to Alex and a third party had to pull the cord so the control was totally out of my hands. Not so in this giant swing, which was only 1/3 the size of the bungy swing, but more terrifying for me. Alex was the first to go and gleefully giggled the whole way through releasing both arms (what a show off eh) all the while lying to me telling me that it really wasn't that bad. At this point, Glenn yelled down to me that I had to make my decision immediately and get myself up to the platform, as he cannot force me to do it and he also added that if I come up there I am not allowed to go back down in any other manner than in that swing...so through floods of tears and with great trepidation I reluctantly agreed and slowly made my final climb up my final log ladder to my final platform for my final jump of the day...let's hope of life, but who knows.
Once up there, I grabbed the metal railing and held on while watching Sam have his go. Honestly, I thought to myself, "what a brave guy. He isn't even making a sound." Glenn asked him if her was ready and in a very quiet voice said yes, I think, but it was hard to hear and then of he went. He yelped a bit during the 3 second free fall drop and then laughed and laughed and smiled while swinging back and forth. Then it was my turn. Let me just give you the highlights of this process: 1) I was told to get it together, 2) I was told that Americans have the most difficulties with this course, as we over analyze things and over dramatize things, 3) Glenn gave me a cuddle when I requested it through tears, 4) It took 3 countdowns to jump, 5) I hated every single second of it until I was back on the ground. I screamed and cried and hurt my vagina, but other than that it was over and I did it!
After all my theatrics, Alex pulled me aside to tell me that while she and Sam were on the giant swing without me, that Glenn told Sam not to show fear or say a word, as that would only upset me more...and he seriously did not make a peep. It was only after he got down when he went over to Alex and told here just how terrified he was and how un-ready he was to go when he did his jump, but he didn't want to upset me more. What a guy and for that I dedicate this blog to you Sam...thanks for being such a champ and sucking in your fear for me...a total mess of a stranger that hates heights and anything fast...probably not the best person to do a ropes course.
Alex was so proud of me for completing it, as she truly does understand just how much I hate these types of activities, as in every single one to date I have either cried, whimpered, peed myself, used expletives or said outright that I DO NOT WANT TO BE DOING THIS or all of the above and yet I get through them. She bought me one of the shirts from the ropes course, as it has my new catch phrase that may just become my motto..."Feel the fear and do it anyway!" And you know I will be wearing that shirt with some serious pride!