Why-o, Why-o, Why-o did I ever leave Ohio?

Those words resonated in my head throughout the entire 15 hour bus ride from Chiang Mai in Thailand to Luang Prabang in Laos. For those of you who have not seen Back to the Beach, perhaps another quote might paint a picture for you, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home!" We began the ride on the 'VIP' bus (we think that stands for Very Idiotic Person for thinking this stands for Very Important Person) and this bus was a mixture of half travellers, half locals so that should have been and indication that this would be a very interesting ride, as locals usually take local buses, which do not offer larger seats and a toilet...but then again, neither did this one. When I discovered that there was no toiletting facilities on an overnight bus ride to another country, I was a bit put out to say the least, but when the driver handed everyone plastic bags and said, "for toilet" I was really upset. I will NOT be peeing in a plastic bag in front of 80 people...maybe alone, but not in front of 80 people. Alex, in her ever relaxed state just figured that she would worry about it when she had to go. We soon discovered that those plastic bags were actually for throw up, as about 50% of the bus was vomiting within about 30 minutes of the windiest journey of our lives. Miraculously, Alex and I did not have to throw up once...can you believe it?! The best part of it all, was the fact that they pulled over on these windiest roads almost every hour so we could all file out and line up on the side of the street shoulder to shoulder with our soul brothers and sisters, pull down your pants and just go for it. Streams of various urine rolled down the roadside collecting in a pool at the bottom of the incline...funny as it may sound, but it was hard to think about being shy or embarrassed with the millions upon billions of stars that littered the sky above like an ocean of silver glitter of various sizes...spectacular site to see and to think that only the night animals and those of us pissing on the street in Laos in the pitch black were granted such a privilege. This pattern of stopping and peeing, followed by the constant swerving of the bus and throwing up of the 50% continued through the night and into the early morning. I had such a lovely dream about our last day in Chiang Mai when we walked around the city all day long, had a leg massage by inmates and completed our day with a gorgeous Thai cooking class. This was a hardcore class in an actual classroom type setting with 12 stove tops and 12 cutting boards with cleavers so the class was full with 12 travellers wanting to learn how to prepare such magical dishes as Sweet Basil Chicken, Chicken with Cashews, Spring Rolls, Papaya Salad, Tom Yum Soup and so much more. Alex and I each chose 5 different meals to prepare so we were able to master, 10 total...the class started with a tour around the chef's personal organic garden where she cultivates and uses all of her own fresh vegetables and herbs. We were all then escorted to the local market where we learned about various noodles and chillies and how to purchase the best products based on size, colour, smell, time of year etc... We were then brought back to the cooking school where were given aprons and the cooking lessons began. Wow, it is really not that difficult to cook Thai food, there are just so many ingredients, but that is what gives the food so much flavour. It was completely different from our cooking class in India with Shashi. No personal stories were shared and it was like a mass production line of baby traveller chefs, but it had many good points and after we prepared our giant feast, we all sat down to a candle lit table to enjoy our creations together...what a dream to have on such an steeply undulating bus ride. Luckily, the ride was scheduled to end at 6am, though that time came and went...I think Lonely Planet made the point well when it described everything as being on "Laos Time." What does that mean you may ask...well...it means that transport will leave when it wants to leave and there ain't nothing you can do about it...also, food will be served to you when they want to serve you and there ain't nothing you can do about it...basically you can fill in the blank with anything: __________________, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.
This is most certainly an exercise in patience and relaxation breathing...2 of my best qualities and skills. Alex seems to be able to go with the flow much better than myself, so we balance each other...I basically do not speak at risk of screaming and becoming irate and Alex rationally discusses any issues that may arise. We did get to Luang Prabang, which is an adorable town that reminds us of a tiny town in the south of France...being that it was a French colony at one point probably has a lot to do with that. The food here in Laos is amazing and we eat the noodle and vegetable soup every single day and I like to chase it down with a fresh coconut shake, creamy with bits of fresh coconut in it...delicious. This town is made for leisure biking and so that is just what we did, but this is Alex I am talking about and there is no such word in her vocabulary as leisure so she...I mean we decided to take what lonely planet describes, "a bike ride for only the most intense exercise enthusiast," (hmmm, now does that sound like me) up a 32km steep incline hill to some waterfalls. So, off we went and honestly I was doing alright until about 20km when I swear to you I got a flat tire...though Alex told me it was just because we are going up hill and it was difficult and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my bike...she was right...it just became impossible. She even taught me how to stand up and ride, which made it easier for about 4 minutes and then I just gave up...it was torture and watching all these happy travellers go up to the waterfall in a tuk tuk and then back down again in the time it took me to creep a few kms up that hill...well it just broke me! We all know Alex only turned around for me, as I know she would have made it up that hill in a breeze, but she is such a lovely girl and told me that she was tired too so we turned around. What a joyous moment when I sat on my bike without pedaling, just rolling down that hill so free with the wind blowing my unevenly cut hair (yes, the haircut on Thailand was a bust, as the left side of my hair is 2 inches longer than the right - pictures will be posted). When we got to the bottom, we rode further down through the tiny towns and stopped for a tasty cold tea beverage and a relax on on bench in the shade watching the kids run around and stare at us. Back to the city we went for a nice luke warm shower and a brief hike to the top of a hilltop temple to watch a colourful and relaxing sunset before heading to the night market, which is rows upon rows of local artwork, scarves, jewelry, coffee and tea, lanterns and anything else your little heart might desire. Today...another bus ride; this one a mini bus, equally as winding a road, but smaller and more compact...no throw up bags this time and only 2 toilet breaks (though I took a sneaky one while our driver was getting petrol). We made it to Vang Vieng...what a strange little place, especially if you are not between the ages of 18-22...maybe 23. It is a town that reminds us of Pleasure Island in Pinocchio, set against the most gorgeous backdrop of spiky mountain ranges that change colours to all the shades of purple against the pinkish night sky...there are palm trees everywhere and the air is cold and crisp, as you would expect in a mountainous terrain. There are so many activities to do as well including mountain biking, kayaking, rock climbing, hiking, trekking...and tubing...death. This is where the 18-23 thing comes in. Tubing down the Mekong River is similar to tubing down the Guadalupe River in Texas...a ton of young, drunk, sunburned young adults being rowdy in inner tubes rocking down the river. They stop at each bar and get more inebriated by the second. Here, there are dangerous rope swings and cliffs to jump from and this of course provides all the tour directors trying to sell tours to people many stories about travellers who die and hit tier heads and drown...blah blah etc..etc..., as they are desperate to sell you their tours at 100,000 kip a pop. Honestly, if you don't jump from a high cliff into jagged rock lined shallow pools of water, then you will be just fine. So, off we go tomorrow to be 22 again...oh the days of yester year and how they make us cringe with embarrassment!