Oh the humiliation and how it continues...forever!

Let me just preface this blog with a comment about just how wonderful today has been and just how much fun we had despite the massive amounts of humiliation suffered by yours truly throughout said day. The morning began a bit rocky, as the hostel owner insisted that we had not paid for the night (which we had) so we were forced to move hostels immediately and left under a cloud. We hustled to our meeting point for our tour of Elephant Cave, Water Cave (via an inner tube) and ending with a long kayak down the Mekong River. What a treat this tour was and mostly due to the people that were a part of it. There were three Australian girls, (Brit, Linda and Kel) and they were all so sweet and refreshing...with funny little accents. They were so bubbly and energetic and had wonderful senses of humour. There was also a lovely couple from London (Frazier and Gupti) and they just balance each other so well...he is a bit dare devil and she is more of the practical one. Both of them left quite lucrative careers in the financial district to travel and make some life changes. Gupti told me that she feels like her job is soul destroying...yikes. There was one other guy named Mel from Taiwan...I think...he was very quiet, but so sweet...cannot swim at all so that was interesting, but lovely none the less. Off we zoomed to the Elephant Cave, which was a bit disappointing and lame really...it is a cave with a bit of limestone in the shape of an elephant...there is also a Buddhist Temple inside...yawn...moving right along. We were then escorted to a tiny alcove in the middle of the jungle covered mountains where there was a tiny ledge of limestone, which I suppose could be an opening to a cave, but it was so low to the water and very dark and scary...yes it was the opening to the cave and we were all going in there with our head lights around our foreheads and battery packs hanging from our necks...how hardcore are we!? We had to plunk ourselves into an inner tube, which is never a graceful experience no matter how hard you try, but especially un-graceful when the water is freezing and you are carrying a large water proof bag with some bits and another baby waterproof bag with the camera...that would be me, the pack mule. Eventually, we were all tucked neatly into our tubes and off we went under the low hanging ledge, past some baby ducklings, and deep into the pitch black cave filled with freezing green/blue water. There were stalagmites everywhere and every sound echoed...eventually we had to link up feet to tube and make a snake-like creature to navigate safely through this cave without losing anyone along the way...it was amazing. After we escaped the cave in one piece, we sat in the blistering sun (to thaw out) eating a delicious barbeque lunch served with rice and fruit on a banana leaf...a nice touch we thought. Then off to the entrance point for the kayaking...the best part of the whole day. Alex rode in the back, as that is where the stronger better kayaker sits and I was in the front...yes, before you can even ask, we capsized, but it was only once and not even my fault (I know you all were thinking it would be my fault). The guide actually tried to stop our kayak from going under a bridge and when he grabbed it the current was too strong and in we went. Hopped right back on that sucker and paddled our way down the Mekong River through some of the most picturesque scenery we have ever seen...it is too difficult and I lack the adjectives to describe it...blazing sun in an endless blue sky, tree covered mountains hiding secret water logged caves, tall feather like plants in a light shade of lavender, and so much more. There were moments when I was so taken aback by the views that I was paralyzed and could not paddle another moment, as I was staring off into the distance...that, and I was exhausted. Kayaking is hard and really puts the upper body to work...we stopped at a bar on the river's edge (one of the many littering the river side) for a drink and some fun. I thought that meant having some soda and some good converasation with our new found friends...oh how wrong I was. The fun bit meant experiencing the "rides" that have been created for some drunk fun and I think you have to be drunk to do these "rides," as we were sober and they were horrifying. The first is called the swing and it is a trapeze like apparatus attached to a line that zooms and the highest of speeds from one side of the river to the other side while you hold on for dear life and dangle from it by your arms. Yes, Alex did it like 100 times and was a natural, full of grace and techniques to make it go faster and higher to make each go a bit more thrilling. I, on the other hand, only managed one go and that was all G-d ever intened me to have. It took me about 30minutes to build up the courage to even climb up the 100 steps to the platform and then I let about 8 people go before me...even Mel, the quiet non-swimmer took a turn with a life vest on so I had to go after that didn't I?!? Eventually I just had to get on with it and I got on top of that platfrom, put my feet on the wooden foot pad area and grabbed the trapeze...what they don't tell you is that the force of it and the tension on the line actually just pulls you down so you really have no choice...I screamed bloody murder the whole way down the blasted thing, as one of my legs shot up into a strange bent position never to be straightened again...my hands were slowly slipping off the trapeze and they finally gave way at the highest point so I slammed into the water at a very high speed. Now, this was not even the worse part...I was not hurt or anything until I swam to the water's surface and was smacked right in the face with the rubber ring attached to a rope that they throw at you after your go...number 1 humiliation of the afternoon. Number 2 humiliation of the afternoon came in the shape of a slide...a nice long handmade in Laos slide consisting of an open tube like structure (as high as the swing) covered in slippery, wet white tiles all the way down to a dip in the slide where it catapaults you into the air so you slam into the water at very high speeds...I was not in the mood honestly, but there was a lot of peer pressure and even at the ripe old age of almost 33, I broke...I am ashamed...but more ashamed at the fact that I was the only person who got stuck on the slide...yes folks, you heard me correctly...I got stuck on that thing and it was terrible. I was going down at a rapid rate when I started rocking from side to side and I innatly put my hands out to ensure I would glide straight off the edge and not smack into one of the sides...well, this coupled with my bathing suit cover up must have slowed me down so much that I just lost all momentum and when I got kind of close to the edge, I just slid right back down to the dip near the end of it. So, you can imagine Alex and all of our new friends plus about 100 other drunk strangers all waiting for me to fly off the end to capture a picture or just gawk at the girl flying off the slide...where did she go...well, I clawed my way to the end of the slide and held myself there just long enough to see Alex fall to her knees, riling in laughter weeing herself and everyone else laughing so hard that actual tears were rolling down their cheeks when I then slid back to the dip...I just had to get up and walk to the edge in the end, as I could not crawl to the end...Alex calls it the walk of shame, but I refuse to feel down about it...or the fact that every single person in the world was laughing at me...just to add insult to injury, I had to then jump off the end of the slide that was about as high up as that blasted swing thing with everyone cheering me on shouting, "jump...1, 2, 3 jump" repeatedly for about 20 minuntes until I could build up enough courage. The best part was when I got to the edge and climed up the stairs to see Alex and all of our tour group running over to me to humiliate me further by telling me the entire incident had been filmed and would be posted on YouTube in the near future...oh the humiliation and how it continues...forever!