How many Buddhas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, if you ask anyone in Thailand they would say a million, as that is how many Buddhas there are in this country and we have seen most of them. As Koh Samui is a very large island, we all (me, Al and Zoe) decided that it would be prudent to book an Island Exploration Tour. As we have discussed in previous blogs, a tour can really go either way and we have experienced both. This one was midrange I would say, as we saw a lovely waterfall and got fortunes at the mummified Buddha temple, but then there was the downside of the slave monkeys and the poor elephants that trek tourists around to which we refused! We left mid morning and spent the overcast day travelling around the circumference of the island in a very well air conditioned van. Our first stop was viewpoint overlooking the Chaweng Beach and this was gorgeous, but unfortunately the pictures just do not do it justice. There were some slippery rocks that you could opt to climb, which we did (via majority rule) and luckily there were no incidents to report on my behalf. Off we drove to Grandmother and Grandfather Rock, which legend has it is the location where Romeo and Juliet committed suicide, despite the fact that I truly believe they died in Paris or somewhere in Europe of Great Britain, but I don't want to ruin any Thai person's dream. So, rumour has it that Romeo and Juliet died in this very spot and the their remains smashed against the rocks forming formations in the shape of...wait for it...a vagina and a penis. Please refer to the pictures for confirmation of this fact. I know, very disturbing to say the least, but more disturbing were the tourists simulating fellatio on the large penis shaped rock from a distance...none of us engaged in such raunchy and highly inappropriate and unethical behaviour! Then, off to the horrifying monkey show in which monkeys have been enslaved and taught to climb up coconut trees and retrieve coconuts for their humans down below. Very unsettling to see, but we were given free coconuts to eat and drink from after viewing the monkey abuse so that was cool. Onward we travelled to the Namuang Fall, a giant waterfall in the forest somewhere in which slippery rock climbing is mandatory if you wish to view the fall so off we went...I am happy to report there were no injuries sustained during the course of this activity either so I am very proud of myself! After our harrowing slippery rock climb to the falls, we were able to ride an elephant on a mini trek, but again refused, as it is just too cruel. Off we went to the mummified Buddha and this is a man who was very rich during his life and when he was about 40ish gave it all up to become a monk and live a meager life of peace and prayer. When he died, he requested that his body be erect in the sitting position and encased in a glass box so all can come to pray to it as a reminder of the Buddhist way of life in prayer. The cool thing about this statue is that he is wearing sunglasses and looks like a surfer dude, no doubt due to the fact his eyes have rotted out and this would scare people. Also, you get to kneel in front of him and shake a cup of numbered sticks until one falls out and then you pick up a card that matches your number and get a fortune. Then, just when we thought the fun would never end. the skies opened up revealing the sun and we were swooshed away to the Ja Mae Kuan Im and the Big Buddha. The Ja Mae Kuan Im is an enormous statue of a man with 16 arms, each holding something that represents something...I tried to do a bit of research, but everything is in Thai and despite my myriad of talents :) I am just not fluent in this language at the current moment. The spectacular part of visiting these statues is the mere size of them, as well as all the ornate colours and sparkly accoutrements that adourn them...and the big Buddha is no different. Granted, we have seen over 10 at this point and I suppose it gets a bit old, but we find ways of entertaining ourselves at these sacred sites...see blog pictures for details. The big Buddha was all gold sitting in the meditation position. As we learned today, there are 7 Buddha statues in different positions for every day of the week. I personally like a Tuesday, as you get to lay on your side all day. The actual meaning of this position is: "Realizing Nirvana" (Paang Saiyasna), the image, reclining on the right side, toes even, indicates his death. Religious texts state that the Buddha entered parinibbana on this day of the week. His final words to his disciples were, "As a flame blown out by the wind goes to rest and cannot be defined so the wise man freed from individuality goes to rest and cannot be defined. Gone beyond all images gone beyond the power of words", Sutta Nipata. Alex likes the one that is standing with arms crossed across her chest, as she feels she would burn more calories and perhaps do some squats when no one was looking and some tricep/bicep curls. This Saturday position actually means "Protected by the Naga King", (Paang Naga Prok) the Buddha image sits on a large coiled serpent which rises to protect him from a raging storm. The Buddha sits in profound meditation, unaware of the tumult, as he is lifted over the rising waves by the King of Nagas. We roamed around the various statue parks looking at all the random figures, but in the distance saw the most spectacular site of them all...the crepe stand and we all know what happened next...nutella and banana crepes all around. We were whisked away back to all of our respective hotels and then off we went to sort out our transport to Chiang Mai (way up to the north of Thailand) where we will do some trekking and visit a women's prison where they actually teach inmates skills such as massage and various beauty treatments so upon their release, they are able to find employment and support themselves. Alex and I will be getting one of the inmate massages and at this time I will do a comparative piece of work in which I compare and contrast the 3 massages I will have had in the whole of Asia: Indian Ayurvedic Massage, Lady Boy Thai Massage and Inmate Thai Massage. This will be done in chart form in the event that any of the blog readers are doing a comparative study themselves and require the use of said chart for any discussion forum or presentation. What a whirlwind tour we have had visiting all the Kohs...Koh Tao for the diving, Koh Phangnan for the Full Moon Party and Koh Samui for the...well...for the poshest hotel room we have had in 5 months and the half price pastries at the deli across the street...