You know you're in India when...

You know you're in India when...
You light a match to start your moquito coil and a tiny bit of flint from the
head of the match breaks off hitting your face and buring the tender skin near
your left eye.

You know you're in India when...
You go to the shop and buy a lighter after the matches incident and when you
are trying to re-light the mosquito coil, the lighter explodes in your hand and
flies across the room rendering your right thumb usless for a day, as there are
no FDA regulations on the construction of safe lighters.

You know you're in India when...
All of your appendages look like mince meat, as you were never able to light
your mosquito coil due to fire and safety hazards.

You know you're in India when...
It takes 30 minutes to drive 1km on a scooter due to random cows, goats, pigs,
chickens, dogs, cats and poop from all of these animals littering the streets
that you must dodge and weave between.

You know you're in India when...
You can poop and pee anywhere at anytime in any place no matter what you are
wearing, who is around and/or looking and having toilet paper is really not a
big deal.

You know you're in India when...
You order a delicious bowl of meusli with fresh fruit and honey for your
breakfast and they bring it out to you, as they are picking flies and other
random bugs out of the bowl and they serve it to you anyway.

You know you're in India when...
You eat that bowl of meusli right up!

You know you're in India when...
You think there is a toss up between best movies you have ever seen: Is it
Anaconda 3, Fool's Gold or Ed?

You know you're in India when...
You actually argue points in each of the above movies as to why it is the best
and your favourite.

You know you're in India when...
You scream and bang the television when the power goes out or you lose "cable"
during these exceptional pieces of cinematic genious.

You know you're in India when...
You have no access to a shower/bath for more than 3 days and when you finally
get to take a shower, you question whether you actually need one...and then
wait just one more day.

You know you're in India when...
You wake up to a glorious sunny hot day and race to the beach and within 10
minutes, a monsoon has hit and flooded the beach and you are relegated to your
room...repeat 50 times throughout the day.

You know you're in India when...
You pick a huge bogey from your nose and realize many local people have just
watched you and you do NOT feel embarrassed or ashamed.

You know you're in India when...
You cough and need to spit and do so and realize that many local people have
just watched you and you do NOT feel embarrassed or ashamed.

You know you're in India when...
You eat very tasty Indian food, but it doesn't agree with you and you have an
explosion of diarrhea, while riding a bus and realize that many local people
have just watched you and you do NOT feel embarrassed or ashamed.

You know you're in India when...
You are on that same bus and realize your stop is next, but that also means
that you have to get ready to throw your bags out the window and jump off from
a moving bus, as they do not stop.

You know you're in India when...
You are 'okay' about jumping from a moving bus and sustaining injuries.

You know you're in India when...
You sit down for a tasty pizza and a little quaint resturant when a cow comes
strolling into that resturant and pushes its' cow head against your arm,
nudging you for food, taking the pizza out of your hand and later scratching
its' eye against that very hand that you eat your pizza with.

You know you're in India when...
You actually enjoy the cow's company and continue to eat with the cow's eye
juices on your hand.

You know you're in India when...
After the pizza dinner, you become so constipated that you cannot poop for 3
days, but it soon hits you as you are working at the Goa Animal Welfare Trust
and you have to poo behind the sanctuary where the dogs go...they were
constipated too, but yours was the longest.

You know you're in India when...
You are so proud of the sheer length of your constipation poo that you talk
shit to all the dogs and ask one's travelling companion to come and look at
your magnificant creation.

You know you're in India when...
You pray that someone will go into the toilet on the train for a quick
smoke and that you will get to use that toilet immediatley after...enjoying all
the benefits of second-hand smoke, as that smells better than a "toilet" on a
train.

You know you're in India when...
You refuse to spend Rs500 (apprx 7 pounds or $11.00) on a hostel room, as that
to too expensive and you actually argue with the hostel manager until he
reduces the price to Rs400.

You know you're in India when...
You will not spend more than Rs100 (approx 1 pound and 44 pence or $3.00) on a
piece of jewlery that some poor homeless woman has made to feed her family, as
you know there is another homeless woman who sells it up the beach for Rs90.

You know you're in India when...
Your foot slips from you scooter, as you are stuck in what could be mud or a
huge cow turd into the mud/turd and you say, "what should we do for dinner?"

You know you're in India when...
You actually discuss where to go to dinner without even mentioning the foot and
then GO to dinner without even washing the foot.

You know you're in India when...
You feel every emotion in the span of 1 hour on repeat and all of your senses
feel like they have been raped and assaulted, yet despite all of this you are
just happy each and everyday that passes in India.